Published on 06/01/2024 16:00 by Evie

There is more than one of me

So this one is going to likely stir some controversy among those who have known me for a while. The title tells you all you really need to know, and the truth is that you really don’t need to know anything. So, in the interest of avoiding controversy and doing my best to help those who may truly not get it there is some housekeeping in order.

The house keeping

If you are someone who has known me and has had contact with me for a decent amount of the last 6 months, and you don’t see a difference, then congrats, you’ve seen this version of me. You’ve talked to them, and you are likely not seeing anything different. My point in saying that is to point out that nothing about who I am to others has fundamentally changed. I am still Evie to all of you and this doesn’t make me any different. Ultimately, that is the reason I captioned this piece as I did, because truth be told, you don’t need to know. So, take this as a warning, you don’t need to know, but you absolutely can if you want to.

A primer for language

This blog post will include a lot of links to a particular wiki managed largely by members of the plural community. I don’t always understand, vet, or read through all of the sources provided, but I have found that this wiki has the best catalogue of terms and describe them in good ways with a great interconnected linking structure. If any of you reading this have any problems understanding or want more clarification on terms or concepts (as I understand them) then send me a toot, DM, or email, my proverbial door is always open.

I am not alone up here

I was debating writing this piece simply because I wasn’t sure it was necessary, but the fact it refused to leave my brain for about 2 weeks told me it probably was, even if it technically wasn’t. For the past year or so I have been exploring a concept of Plurality both for myself and a greater understanding of the people around me. About a year ago I learned a close friend of mine was Plural and in my attempt of allyship I wanted to learn more. In doing so I explored my own self concept through this lens and although I was hesitant at first I would say that my experience falls somewhere on the spectrum of plurality. I know this might be a new word or concept to some so I will do my best to explain it in my own words.

Plurality, at its simplest form, is multiple people sharing a singular physical body, many of you may pull a concept of this from more contemporary subjects like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) which is a type of plurality much like how gender dysphoria describes a type of trans experience. Although there is an absolute spattering of research on DID both affirmative and against, it remains at the forefront of discussions regarding plurality outside of more niche communities. I do not have DID, honestly I am not sure if there is any clinical language that could describe my experiences or even if any would be necessary simply because, my experience of plurality largely does not affect my day to day life. To me, my plurality is far more an internal understanding of how I work then it is about anything else. Essentially…

It is all in my head(space)

As far as I am aware, I am entirely “front locked” and that has meant that my experiences of plurality are dictated near entirely by my main “fronting” personality whom y’all all know as Evie. She’s not the only one up here, but she is the only one with a physical form so to speak. That of course doesn’t preclude her from participating in the system itself but she is our primary representative of sorts. Needless to say, this generally means that my experience of plurality is entirely in my head, and has very little bearing on life outside of that headspace.

So who else is up there with you?

Well I would rather not go into eloquent detail of who else is up here on an individual level, but I would like to speak to a general descriptor of who they are. My understanding is that each of these facets that exists up here are “cut from the same cloth” so to speak, in that all of them where me at some point in time. These parts of me when split general represent explicit periods of my life in which a major trauma, stressor, or event had happened that essentially forced myself apart in a way. For example there is a facet of myself that was split off very young, likely around the time my gender dysphoria had begun to set in and I faced heavy push back from my parents for my less than masculine behaviors. that stress and trauma along with the fact that who I was as a person fundamentally needed to change likely lead to enough pressure in the old brain soup that it ended up with her being left behind and alone for a “boysona” whom would be more acceptable to those outside of myself.

So what now?

Nothing!

Honestly that is one thing I guess I am grateful for, that fundamentally nothing is different for anyone besides myself. I love the new understanding of myself and learning about this has actually helped me heal A LOT from the trauma that I had endured in the past. Being able to “hold that girl” as Doc Impossible put it has helped me move on from the traumatic experience fo growing up trans. Being able to have internal discussions with my very toxic past self and seemingly grow the older brother than never was from the toxic self hating individual I was to a normal part of me has been extremely healing. Ultimately, I have benefitted from this lens of thinking and I think that more people should embrace the idea that maybe they are more than a singleton. Like I said, you don’t need to know, but I am glad you do now.

An Aside

Thank you all for reading, and I hope this doesn’t change tooo much about how you see me and that you might gain some insight and allyship with the plural community.

Additionally, a big thanks to Transincidental for their comics, Pluralpedia for their resources, and of course to the people behind pluralKit for discord for helping build plural inclusive spaces, one line of code at a time.

Have a nice weekend y’all, and remember to be nice to each other <3

Written by Evie